“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” — Albert Einstein
When I was younger I was taught to fix things and solve things on my own. To be “self capable”. I value the skills of trade that my father taught me, as well as the skills of conversation that my mother taught me. My fathers skills were important, but were taught “because you can’t really count on anybody else”. My mothers skills were taught as a way of deflection for anybody getting to know what was inside me by using the camouflage of conversation. But as I have gotten older, it has become clear to me that the way forward is together, not alone.
How does one know you can’t count on anyone unless you ask? What is so wrong with people getting to know my flaws and fears? It turns out, nothing. As a matter of fact, my experience shows that as soon as I let my guard down and admit that I am human and not perfect, it has allowed others to disarm and feel closer.
This all sets up as backdrop for the story I want to share. My wife and were presented a terrible circumstance involving our family. After the initial shock wore off, we started talking about a plan to help. Most problems involve a financial aspect. We talked about the reality of whether we could handle the financial part by ourselves. Everybody has been in a situation where they have to take stock of where they are financially. We decided that while it was probably possible, there were other things involved here that were equally important. This issue had all kinds of problems to be solved.
Before we had decided as a plan forward, we received a check in the mail from a friend. One of the few who knew the details. We had never asked for anything, this friend just sent money. We were so touched by the act of kindness. We also recognized that now we had another person to help us solve this. Our circle had grown by one.
It was decided to just put it out there and let people know what was going on, and that we were going to start a fundraiser. The love that has showed up on all levels has been supremely humbling. We have had friends setup meetings to strategize. We have had people just to show up to cry and hug. We have had people donate their crafts, advice and counsel. We have had complete strangers offer time and money. And each time that happens, the circle grows larger, and stronger. And the love inside that circle is indescribable.
Something else also happened once we put it out there. There were some who didn’t feel it was appropriate. The thinking, as I was told, was that this was a financial problem, and that we should just solve it ourselves. After I heard that the first time, my feelings were generally bruised. But as I stepped away from it, I did accept that for some, this must have seemed like an “over-ask”. And remembering that I myself was taught to “keep it in the family”, I could empathize with why this seemed so foreign to some I knew. But what I was discovering was that while we also were keeping in the family, our definition of family had changed to include all.
As we are still in the middle of working toward our goal, the feelings are still so raw and real. But there is no doubt at all that it was the right thing to do to ask for help. What has been overwhelmingly obvious is that people, generally, want to connect with others. And as Einstein said, embracing all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. It has been beautiful. Thank You.
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