Loss of a friend

About 6 months ago, I received a text from a dear friend.  The content explained that my friend had just found that they were sick, and that they wanted me to know.  I remember thinking, this can’t be real…and this can’t be that serious.  It turns out, it was real, and it was that serious.  About six months later, my friend was gone.  At least in the way that I knew them.   And now, I have to move on.  All of those in the same position, have to move on.  Only, how do you do that?  This person was full of life….it sounds like a cliche, but it really was the case.  There were no words to describe this person.  When we were together, it was just so perfect.  The perfect amount of advice, the perfect amount of laughter, the perfect amount of joy.

It is hard to remember that life isn’t guaranteed, it is hard to remember that life is just a stage, it is hard to remember that life is truly precious.  Right now, it doesn’t seem quite fair that I can’t call my friend, or talk to my friend.  Right now, it seems woefully unfair that my friend’s family now has a missing piece.  It is just as unfair that this world has a hole where my friend used to stand.

Everyone experiences loss, I know this, but I am both very sad, and very angry.  (hello grief stages).  I am looking forward to acceptance.  It will come, at some point.  But I will make a promise to myself.  I will never live the same.  I will live differently for my friend.  That is a promise I will keep.  My friend was just too special for things not to change.  If I could, I would have the moon grow one size, or have the sky be a little bluer.  My friend was that special of a person, and I loved them.

I have no regrets as my friend knew how I felt.  And my friends family knows how I feel about them.  I am only left now with a reality that I am not sure what to do with.  I am hoping to rely on all the people that shared in this experience, and I am very hopeful that this huge loss will give way to new relationships and friendships to fill its void. Although presently, I am have a hard time believing it.